Insecurity Sucks

I tell people what I think they need to hear... And I don't mind! Seems like I surround myself with egotistical or insecure people that need to be stroked every so often. I honestly think that is a gift that I was given, to placate people's personalities... Whoa! This sounds really bad. Let me...try to explain

If you read my 1st blog installation, you see that I am in a transitional stage of life. I recently made the proverbial bungee jump into a new phase of life - to follow my dream of being a writer. So, I took a leap of faith and I relocated to California. Temporarily or for an extended period of time, that is still to be determined...but I have to say; I feel like I have incurred some NEW major insecurity issues because of my "transitioning".

For the past couple of days I have been seriously looking at myself in the mirror and started wondering, 'Should I get plastic surgery?' I have always wondered it, but I never took the thought too seriously before because, A. who has the money and B. I should be satisfied with my God given looks! Right?  What I started to realize about myself, throughout my "insecurity" journey; I am looking for that same affirmation that I so willingly give to others. Because I second guess everything about myself or I am overwhelmed with my lack of...whatever/s.

I am surrounded with support and well wishes, but I still feel so alone. I try not to look back on my yesterdays, but in Florida I was surrounded by some pretty rad peoples. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be supported by the people I am around in this big Ocean of crazy. They are older, wiser, and have been in my situation before. So I am getting great advice and the encouragement to defy the odds.

When I moved to Orlando, it wasn't about me. I was helping build on someone's vision for the greater good. I was a part of something that was bigger than myself. I was not only wanted, but needed. Over the five years I lived there, my identity changed from being seclusive to being inclusive. In California, I realize, I am just another number in the crowd; not prettier, not smarter, and no where near as talented. I know I am being realistic, but I have been using the reality to talk myself out of completing what I have started...

Insecurity SUCKS! If I can't believe in myself, how will anyone else?

Today in church I was reminded, I need to persevere - trials produce something that is good so we should rejoice and persevere. The Pastor said, "Perseverance translate to patience and endurance. Patience is when we hold OUT for the good. Endurance is when we hold ON to the good." I thank God for His reminders. 'If we stumble we do not fall, but if we fall we who fall can get up!'

So, I digress... Why do I let myself feel this way? 

One thing, amongst many things, I remember my mother saying to me {when I moved to Orlando} "Anything you do for the Lord will never fail". Those words are my lifeline whenever I am daring myself to try something new. So I have to remember, I can not fail...I will succeed. After the encouraging word at church, and remembering my sweet mothers proverb, I am moving forward and keeping God in the center of all my endeavors.